Old and New Jokes

He was studying foreign languages.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Florida!
Florida who?
Florida bathroom is wet!

Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.

Yo mama so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rug-burn.

You might be a redneck if…
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

Doc, I had the strangest dream last night. I was the only man in a nudist colony. my, my, did you sleep well? ask the doctor.Well, I tried. said the man, but it was hard.

Step 1Go buy a turkey
Step 2Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3Put turkey in the oven
Step 4Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6Take three more whiskeys of drink
Step 7Turn oven the on
Step 8Take four whisks of drinkey
Step 9Turk the bastey
Step 10Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
Step 13Bake the whiskey for four hours
Step 14Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17Turk the carvey
Step 18Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Shortly after take-off, the pilot of a jetliner informs his passengers of the route to their destination advises them of clear skies ahead. As he puts down the microphone for the public address system, the pilot inadvertently leaves the switch open, thereby allows all the passengers to hear any conversation in the cockpit.

The pilot leans back in seat and says to his co-pilot: Now what I need is a hot cup of coffee and a hot piece of ass.

The youngest and most beautiful flight attendant in the crew is closest to the cabin. So, she starts to run up the aisle to tell the captain to turn off the microphone for the public address system.

Suddenly, a passenger on the aisle reaches out, stops the flight attendant, and says: Honey, you forgot the coffee.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Leaf!
Leaf who?
Leaf me alone!