…so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said Youve got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex. Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, That was a huge mistake, Jon. Youve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or well have rough sex. Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said Admit it, Jon, you dont come here for the hunting, do you?
Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
A pregnant Brooklyn woman gets in a car accident and
falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months,
when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer
pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her
baby. The doctor replies, Maam, you had twins! A boy
and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother from
Alabama came in and named them. The woman thinks
to herself, Oh no, not my brother … hes an idiot!
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, Well, whats
the girls name?
Denise, the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, Wow, thats not a bad name,
guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!
Then she asks the doctor, Whats the boys name?
The doctor replies, Denephew.
Juanito llega llorando desconsoladamente a la casa. Su mamá le pregunta que por qué llora y el le dice: Es que Pepito me dijo cara de testÃculo.
Su madre, indignada, va de regreso con Juanito a la escuela y al entrar a la oficina del director le dice: Mire usted, señor Director, ¿qué clase de escuela es ésta? ImagÃnese usted que Pepito ha llamado a mi hijo cara de testÃculo.
¡Señora, usted perdone, pero eso no puede ser! Estos niños de primer grado ni siquiera saben lo que es el testÃculo.
En eso pasa por ahà Pepito y lo pesca el Director. Oye muchacho vente para acá. Pepito, ¿verdad que tú no sabes lo que es el testÃculo?
Claro que sà sé, señor Director. Mire usted: el testÃculo forma parte del aparato reproductor masculino. Se encuentra en un número de dos. Es el responsable de producir y almacenar los espermatozóides. Por encima del testÃculo se encuentra el túbulo seminÃfero distal, que se comunica con el proximal apenas entrar al conducto prostático, para después alcanzar la uretra. El testÃculo se encuentra en una bolsa colgante, colorada, arrugada, llena de pelos… ¡igualita a la cara del hijueputa de Juanito!
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?
A: Chelsea.
Lower corner of screen has the words Etch-a-sketch on it.
Its celebrity spokesman is that Hey Vern! guy.
In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friends car.
Its slogan is Pentium: redefining mathematics.
The quick reference manual is 120 pages long.
Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
The screen often displays the message, Aint it break time yet?
The manual contains only one sentence: Good Luck!
The only chip inside is a Dorito.
Youve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Fruit!
Fruit who?
Fruit of the loom!
Whats the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?
A blonde lets you leave the bed when you are satisfied – a redhead lets you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
Top ten reasons why hockey is better than sex – seen in a collegiate womens hockey club program
The protective equipment is reusable, and you dont even have to wash it.
Its legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is ALWAYS hard.
Because theres no body checking, you cant get pregnant except in most unusual circumstances.
It lasts a full hour.
You know youre finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score.
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommmon.
Periods last only 15 minutes.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
You can tell your friends about it afterward.
Yes, I realize there are 11 reasons, but the claim is that it is a top ten list. Wendy Istvanick UW-Madison – Go Badgers!!!