Old and New Jokes

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.

Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Heard from my sister-in-law, cant say where she heard it.

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says, Im sorry honey, Ive got a Gyn. appointment tomorrow.
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. Later, he rolls
back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear
Do you have a Dentist appointment tomorrow too?

Scientists are planning to put 300 head of cattle into orbit. Itll be the herd shot round the world.

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a better job … someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

If you think were a bad company, you should see our competition.

Rome didnt create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing all those that opposed them.

We put the k in kwality.

We build great products when we feel like it and dont have any reason to call in sick.

If at first you dont succeed, try management.

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Pride. Commitment. Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.

This old gentlemans dear old dog passed away. He was so attached to that dog that he went to his


Rabbi and asked if the Rabbi would say kadish for the dog.


The Rabbi said, No, we only say kadish for humans, not animals.


However there is a new congregation two blocks down the street from here.


You can go there and ask if they will bless your dog.


The man thanked the Rabbi and said, Do you suppose they would also accept my donation of $75,000?


The Rabbi said, Hold it — come back. You didnt tell me the dog was Jewish.

The Bosnian peace talks continued in Geneva today. The only thing
that Alija Izetbegovic, Radovan Karadzic and Slobodan Milosovic could
agree on was that John Major has a funny name.

The Clinton Administration: Stupid is as stupid does.

Un tipo se va a casar y en su fiesta de despedida de soltero se emborracha de tal forma que cuando va al baño se agarra el pene con la puerta, accidentándose. Sus amigos le llevan de urgencia con un médico, quien después de examinarle hace la siguiente recomendación:

Esto luce muy mal… voy a tener que entablillársela.

¿Entablillar?. No puede ser, yo me caso mañana.

Pues decida… hay que entablillar ahora mismo o habrá que amputar en dos o tres días.

El tipo presionado por el peligro que implica perder la joya familiar, decide que se la entablillen allí mismo.

Al otro día llega a la habitación del hotel con su nueva esposa, quien se va directamente al baño a prepararse, a lo que el marido se desnuda y se mete en la cama a esperarla pacientemente. Al salir desnuda, la mujer se para frente a él provocativamente y le dice con cara de inocente:

Mira como me he conservado virgen para ti durante todo este tiempo.

A lo que él destapándose de una vez le dice pícaramente:

Y yo, mírame a mí, ni siquiera la he desempacado…