Theorem: All positive integers are equal.
Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
Proceed by induction.
If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.
Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.
From a recent newspaper article:
Cuba has severe shortages of almost every consumer commodity, including
food. Heres a current joke:
There was this fried egg walking down the street, minding its own
business. It hears some noise behind it, turns around, and sees a crowd
of hungry Cubans in the distance bearing down on it. It runs away as
fast as its little fried egg leggs will go, when it sees a steak.
It yells to the steak, Run away! Run away! Theyll get you too!
but the steak just laughs and says, They wont even recognize me.
This women of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy.
The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.
After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.
The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctors office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.
The doctor replied, Lady those arent bags, theyre your tits, and if you dont stop turning those screws youre going to have a beard!
A physician visited a California mental institution and asked a patient How did you get here? What is the nature of your illness?
He got this reply.
It started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My Daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddys brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddys wife. So as I told you, when stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once, my stepmother. Now since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle.
As you know, my wife is my step grand-mother since she is my stepmothers mother. (Dont forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.) Remember, too, that I am my wifes grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. you see, since Im married to my step grand-mother, I am not only the wifes grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather.
Now can you understand how I got put in this place?
Rainy WWW
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow…just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, just do it)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leavem in the middle)
Q: What did the blonde say when the docter told her one leg was bigger than the other?
A: Like, Not even!
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the seasons gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santas market share, and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEOs annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.
I am pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolphs role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolphs nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santas helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.
As a further restructuring, todays global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the Twelve Days of Christmas subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appears to be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitute a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the compensation committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals, and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Action is pending regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorneys association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (thirteen lawyers-a-suing).
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Happy Holidays!
A man comes across a genies bottle on the beach and rubs it. A genie appears to grant the man 3 wishes. First the man asks for a million dollars. The genie grants his wish. The the man says that he has always wanted to be as smart as a rocket scientist and the genie grants his wish.
The man thinks long and hard about his third wish and then say, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly and I am afraid of sailing. Could you build a bridge from here to Hawaii?
The genie looks at the man, Are you crazy? Do you know how much material and time that will take?
The man thinks again and says, Then my last wish is to understand how women think.
Would you like that bridge two lane or four?
One day, Mark Bookspan rubbed a lamp and out came a genie. Mark made a wish to be the most handsome man alive, but instead, the genie turned him into a taiper. Surprisingly, this increased Marks sex appeal tenfold.
Modern Travel: To promote airline safety, a proposed FAA rule would
require that every suitcase checked on a US flight be on the same
plane as its owner. That means that even though you want to fly to
Orlando at 9am, you may end up on the 10pm plane to Boise. (Jerry
Perisho)
Major airlines oppose the plan. They are even against a less stringent
rule that would require luggage and owners to be in the same country.