How does a mother from Arkansas know when her daughter is on the rag?
Her sons dick tastes funny.
29
Jul
29
Jul
The good thing about having a bad runny nose around the holidays is that you dont have to lick all those stamps and envelopes when you send out cards.
– Shaheen Tonse
29
Jul
Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seems troubled and asks her, Is something bugging you? You look anxious.
Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market, she explained.
Oh, thats too bad, the other girl sympathized. Im sure youre feeling sorry for him.
Yeah, I am, she said. Hell miss me.
28
Jul
Un chico tÃmido llega a la farmacia a pedir un condón. Con toda la vergüenza del mundo se dirige a la encargada:
Señorita, ¿podrÃa darme un condón, por favor?
La encargada, que parece soldado, le responde:
¿Cómo? ¿De qué tamaño?
No sé, responde apenado el joven.
A ver, sáquelo y póngalo aquÃ, en la palma de mi mano.
El muchacho se lo saca y lo pone en la mano de la encargada, que lo empieza a palpar y le grita a su ayudante:
¡Pásame un condón del 5!
Interrumpe su petición y vuelve a gritar:
¡No, espérate, del 7… No, que sea del 9… No, no, no del 10… Chin, mejor pásame un Kleneex!
28
Jul
Why do black people like to keep chickens around?
To teach their kids how to walk.
28
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sisters honor.
28
Jul
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a throw on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
28
Jul
A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stops
them. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.
He tells them, Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use the
words liver and cheese in a sentence.
So, the first guy says, I made a liver and cheese sandwich for
lunch.
The agent says, That was good, you can go. What about you? he asks
the second guy.
He says, Liver alone, cheese mine.
27
Jul
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
27
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wifes bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a womans anatomy.
Youve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
Youve ever been too drunk to fish.
Youve ever bought a used cap.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
Youve ever used a weedeater indoors.