10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papas Got A Brand New Encyclical
From the German Army Hand-Book:
The soldier is allowed to begin swimming without a special order of his seargant if the depth of the water he is marching in is more than half a meter.
(And this is no joke!)
Top Ten of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship
by Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines
Do these steps go up or down?
What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
Does the crew sleep on the ship?
Is this island completely surrounded by water?
Does the ship make its own electricity?
Is it salt water in the toilets?
What elevation are we at?
Theres a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day … the question asked … If the pictures arent marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?
Why do men masturbate?
Because they want to have sex with someone they love.
A guy walks into a bar and just gets wasted smashed he cant even walk so the bar tender gets him a cab he goes home and comes back the next day to thank the bar tender the bar tender asks how did the night go and he says it sucked i blew chunks in every room of my house and the bar tender says that must of been a bitch to clean up and he says no dude chunks is my dog
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said lookey thar up ahead, Earl, its a poll-ice roadblock!! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!
Dont worry, Bubba, Earl said. Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.
What fer?, asked Bubba.
Just let me do the talkin, OK?, said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, You boys been drinkin?
No, sir, said Earl. Were on the patch!
Knock Knock
Whos there?
John!
John who!
John the Navy!
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: Have you ever been arrested?
He answered no to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was why? Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it Never got caught.
Q: How many real programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Real programmers prefer LEDs.
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?