Blonde: Hold on I have to go to the bathroom!
Brunette: Ok I will be at the Ice cream stand!
Blonde: Ok I will be right there!
30 Minutes Later
Brunette:Hey are you still in here?
Blonde: Oh thank goodness you came back!I have to go really bad and there was no one in here that would unzip my dress zipper so that I could go!
Brunette: Hahaha! You idiot… Just pull it up!
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, ‘I slept with your mother!’
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, ‘I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!’
The other says: ‘Go home dad, you’re drunk.’
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.
1.)Lets watch Lifetime!
2.)Sex is overrated.
3.)I dont want to go too far on the 4.)first date.
5.)Yes, I did notice your sisters breasts are bigger than yours.
6.)There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
7.)Im glad I dont have a large penis.
8.)My hips are too big.
Aw, cant we watch Oprah?
9.)Does this suit make me look fat?
10.)Ill never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say Get daaowwwwn !
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most… When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
Nah… let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!
Why did the goal post get angry?
Because the bar was rattled!
What is the bank managers favourite type of football?
Fiver side!
What part of a football ground is never the same?
The changing rooms!
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs!
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.