John receives a phone call.
Hello, he answers.
The voice on the other end says, This is Susan.
We met at a party about 3 months ago.
John: hmmm… Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?
Susan: Yes, it was at Bills house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.
John: Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been?
Susan: Well, Im pregnant and Im going to kill myself.
John: Say, you really ARE a good sport!
Q. Whats long and hard and brown and sticky all over?
A. A stick.
Why was Eminem running down the street?
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, Oh, look! A nut! The second squirrel jumped on it and said, It’s my nut!
The first squirrel said, That’s not fair! I saw it first!
Well, you may have seen it, but I have it, argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, You shouldn’t quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute. The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, Now, give me the nut. He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved.
Then he reached over and said, And for my fee, I’ll take the meat.
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, Hi stranger, my name is Mike. Ill give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries.
The man says, Thanks…Mikes Place?
Nope.
Mikes Tavern?
No,
Mikes Pub?
No, but heres a free beer anyway. Nobody ever gets it. The joints name is Sallys Leggs!
Thats a good one. the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped.
The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and asks him what he is doing there. He responds, Im just waiting for Sallys Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!
Al morir, un tipo llega a las puertas del ParaÃso y le manifiesta a San Pedro su deseo de entrar. El Portero Celestial inquiere:
¿Qué has hecho de bueno en la tierra?
Una vez le regale diez dólares a un pobre.
¿Y qué más?
Otro dÃa le di cinco dólares a un ciego.
Adelante, ¿qué más cosas buenas hiciste?
Ninguna, eso es todo.
Entonces, San Pedro se levanta y se dirige a un ángel:
¡Devuélvele quince dólares a este imbécil y me lo mandas directo al infierno!
Q: How many Queens students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change the bulb, and one to throw the old bulb at UNC-Charlotte students.
Loggs Rebuttal to Grays Law: n+1 trivial tasks take twice as long as n trivial tasks.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, I dont know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out, and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesnt work out? they wonder, Are we stuck together forever?
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes, he informs the couple, You can get married in Heaven.
Great, says the couple, but what if things dont work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!
Whats wrong? exclaims the frightened couple. Come on! St. Peter exclaims, It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have any idea how long its going to take for me to find a lawyer!?