Old and New Jokes

A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Whats the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A:


Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, Ive called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but hes blowing up the world tommorrow. So, Bill Clinton went back and said, Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is hes blowing up the world tommorrow. Colin Powell went back and said, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is hes blowing up the world tommorrow. Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, I have some good news. The first part of the good news is Ive been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.

Parking Space:

an unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire plug.
an unoccupied area along a curb on the opposite side of the street.
something you see when you dont have your car.
that area that disappears while you are making a U-turn.

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed of her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, Is that for sale?

Of course not! she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchagrined, he replied quietly, Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.

Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.

A man going down the highway is pulled over by a cop for speeding , the officer said can i see your license the man in the car says sorry i dont have my license i stole this car,then the officer said can i look in the trunk,the man replies no theres a dead body of a lady in there,the officer said theres a dead lady in the trunk?the man replies yes, the officer says what did u use to kill her? the man replies the gun in my glove capartment. The officer calls for backup and when it comes they check out the license plates of the mans car its his car, they check his glove capartment theres no gun,and they check the trunk and theres no body, the officer walks up to the man and the man replies so i betcha that lieing son of a b*tch told you i was speeding to?

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that to prolong his life they should cut out sex. He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasnt worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, I was coming up to die.

She laughed and replied, I was coming down to kill you!

What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag?

Twix

What is the difference between a porkipine and a brand new BMW?

Porcupines have the pricks on the outside!!!