The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, Soups cold.
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, Ive waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why havent you spoken before?
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everythings been okay.
27
Dec
27
Dec
Q: Whats the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
27
Dec
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
27
Dec
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. Its a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: Pierre, kiss me! Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Maries lips.
What are you doing, Pierre?, says the startled Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, Pierre, kiss me lower.
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
Pierre! What are you doing?, asks the bewildered Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,
PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING?
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!
27
Dec
Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.
Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a professional when their need to fax becomes too great.
Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.
27
Dec
The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.
The teacher asks Nick why are you standing up? Nick replies: I didnt want you to feel alone
27
Dec
A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing
interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean City, Maryland beach.
I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If youre a tree.
Im still hot. It just comes in flashes.
At my age, getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
My reality check just bounced.
Life is short, make fun of it.
Im not 50. Im $49.95 plus tax.
Physically pffffffft!
Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
Its my cats world. Im just here to open cans.
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
Keep staring….I may do a trick.
Dangerously under-medicated.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and its gone.
Every time I hear the word exercise, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Cats regard people as warm-blooded furnitute.
Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.
26
Dec
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.
26
Dec
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Run! Shes got a grenade in her mouth!
26
Dec
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.
The other three gathered around him and asked him what was wrong.
Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, he said, but I always get emotional at this hole… it holds very difficult memories for me.
One of his buddies asked, What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack – right at this very hole!
The other golfers were stunned by this revelation. That must have been a horrible day for you!
Bob cried out in disbelief, Horrible doesnt even begin to cover it. It was absolute hell for me. Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse, it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice…