Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A: Throw him a rock.
Scott Neugroschl
03
Jul
03
Jul
Now, what I did to a guy I didnt like one night is a classic:
I saw him at a restaurant with his other woman seated in the corner
of the restaurant trying to be inconspicuous. I went to the head
waiter and told him I wanted to send a cake over to my friends table
since he and his wife were celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary.
If youve ever been to a place like Bennigans where the waiters and
waitresses come singing and banging pots when they deliver a cake to
your table, you can imagine what happened next.
Four waiters and three waitresses carrying a cake with a sparkler
marched over to their table singing Happy Anniversary, Carole and
Mark…Happy…Happy…Happy Anniversary.
Talk about someone looking for the exits!
03
Jul
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do splits.
7. See if its truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.
and, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina .
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.!!!!!
02
Jul
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his clients jury to hold out
for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state.
The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict.
When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
Sure did, the juror replied, the other eleven wanted to acquit.
02
Jul
One day monica lewinsky walked into a dry cleaners to get her blue dress cleaned because it had a stain on it. She said to the employee I want this stain taken out of the dress the employee of the store was of japanese decent and didnt understand her so he said come again?
to which Monica replied NO!, its white-out!!!
02
Jul
Estaba un borracho en una esquina, cuando una mujer pasa caminando. El borracho la observa y dice: ¡Adios, fea!
La mujer, indignada, se da media vuelta y le dice: ¡Borracho!
El borracho con una sonrisa contesta: ¡SÃ, pero a mà mañana se me pasa!
02
Jul
Después de haberse cometido un robo en el convento de monjas, se presentó la PolicÃa.
Pregunta el PolicÃa:
¿Qué es lo que se robaron Madre Superiora?
100 sábanas.
Anote eso, dice el PolicÃa al secretario.
Todas las otras monjas dicen en Coro:
¡Y nos querÃan envenenar!
Continúa el policÃa:
¿Otra cosa que les robaron madre?
¡Ah! SÅ se robaron unos vasos.
Anote eso, dice el PolicÃa al secretario.
Otra vez el coro de las monjitas:
¡Y nos querÃan envenenar!
El Capitán se queda pensativo y pregunta:
¿Cómo es eso que las querÃan envenenar?
Es que los ladrones nos decÃan: ¡Si no se callan les echamos unos polvos!
02
Jul
An Issaquah, Washington man apparently became frustrated with his personal
computer, pulled out a gun and shot it. The computer, located in the mans
home office, had four bullets holes in its hard drive and one in the
monitor. Police evacuated the mans townhouse complex, contacted the irate
PC owner by phone, and persuaded him to come out. We dont know if it
wouldnt boot up or what, says one of the police officers at the scene.
St. Petersburg Times – July 20, 1997
02
Jul
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
02
Jul
Why did the Blonde throw bread crumbs down the loo??
To feed the toilet duck!!!