Twas the night before Payback…
Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osamas been praying, hes down on his knees,
Hes hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.
He thought if he killed us that wed fall and shatter,
But all that hes done is just make us madder.
We havent yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And well kick your ass, with one heavy boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
Youll soon get the answer if you live to hear.
And we aint forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he aint forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
Theyll go down in history as the place where you died.
Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.
They are our Fathers and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns.
They would have stayed home, with Children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.
Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.
I wont be sorry to see your cowardly ass go,
Its Red, White, and Blue thats running this show!
A queer walks into a bar. The bartender says, Hey, son. We dont allow queers in this bar.
The queer says, I need a drink really bad, honey. Ill sit in the very back and be very quiet!
The bartender thinks for a while, and says, Alright. Only ONE drink. The queer takes the glass of beer and sits in the dark courner of the bar. Suddenly, a cowboy walks in with snakeskin boots and a cowskin cowboy hat.
He walks up to the bartender and says, Im so thirsty, I could lick the sweat off the balls of a cow!
The queer looks up uncertainly and yells across the bar, Moo, Moo, Buckaroo!
The bartender is taken to court two days later for letting a half-baked drunk queer in the bar.
Your momma is so bald-headed she got in the shower and got brain washed.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Stopwatch!
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch your doing right now!
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
A [ethnic] was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a
highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles;
the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he
kept painting less each day, he replied I just cant do any better. Each
day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.
I feel schizophrenic; first he says open your mouth, then he says keep
it closed.
– Monica Lewinski
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
(Article from Edinburgh Universitys MIDWEEK Student Magazine,
by Graeme MacDonald.)
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has
encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which
later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny
hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for
which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise
sick-bay.
6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime
Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to
another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprises computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering
staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence
which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence
which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called Paradise where
everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon
revealed to be exactly what it seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
everyones satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which
is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
and isnt tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
16. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly
obvious.
17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius
Wesley Crusher.
18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy
git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age
for a change.
19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not
being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three
sentences that anyone says to him.
20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
But we still love it, right kids?
Think of the most annoying sound and think of something that can go higher than that. Picture two skeletons screwing on a tin roof