Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations?
Are they afraid someone might clean them!?
13
Nov
13
Nov
The Biggest, orneriest, hombre in the West stomped into a saloon bellowing, Im big, Im mean and Ive got a cock the size of Texas!
A wimpy guy standing at the bar timidly asked him his name.
Turner Brown, the giant grunted.
The wimp suddenly fainted dead away. When he revived, the big galoot
hovered
over him. What ails you boy? Alls I said was my name is Turner Brown.
Oh, _Turner Brown_! I thought you said, Turn around.
(As read in an old issue of Playboy)
13
Nov
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much,
fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while
but then smiled and said…
Cool!…It really works!
12
Nov
You think Hamlet is on the McDonalds breakfast menu.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.
Your dad says, Lets hit the road for dinner, and then grabs a shovel.
12
Nov
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: Why arent there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they dont get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they dont leave trails, like snails.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blondes vagina?
A: The Blonde!
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if shed ever been picked up by the fuzz?
A: No. But Ive been swung around by the tits.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
12
Nov
Your momma is like a race car . . .
She burns four rubbers a day.
12
Nov
To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.
12
Nov
I got this off of another mailing list, and though you do have to be somewhat familiar with Depeche Modes music in order to fully appreciate this, I thought I would forward it anyway…
-Dan Aeschliman
Statement of Thesis
(sung to the tune of Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus)
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something of might
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something youll spite
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
Cause you just write crap
Dont forget your bluebook
The proctors give you dirty looks
Taking the test
Of issues addressed
Things on your chest
They cant be repressed
I will be prudent
Im only a student
Reach out and touch page
Reach out and touch page
Your own statement of thesis…
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
Cause you just write crap
Dont forget your bluebook
The proctors give you dirty looks
I will be prudent
Im only a student
Reach out and touch page
Your own statement of thesis
Reach out and touch page
-Chuckles
(icamacla@sdcc13.ucsd.edu)
12
Nov
A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.
What colour? they asked. He settled for white.
How much does it cost? he asked.
Twenty-four dollars.
Expensive, but ok, he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadnt the faintest idea.
Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?
No, he said, nothing like that.
Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wifes bust resembles.
He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, Have you ever seen a Spaniels ears?
12
Nov
Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in aluminum foil, whats wrong with me? Doctor: You have far too much free time!