Dos niños van por la calle cuando ven por una ventana a una chica muy buena desnudándose. Se quedan mirando y al cabo de un ratito uno de ellos le dice al otro:
Oye, vámonos.
No, espera un poco.
¡Que no, ándale, ya vámonos!
¿Pero por qué quieres irte?
Es que mi mamá me dijo que si alguna vez veÃa a una mujer desnuda me iba a convertir en piedra… Y ya estoy notando que una parte de mà se está poniendo dura.
A guy sees a pretty lady at the end of the bar and is interested in buying her a drink. He tells the bartender that he will buy her another of whatever she is drinking. The bartender says OK, Ill pour it for her. But just for your information, shes a hooker. Shell do what you want for money.
The drink gets delivered and the woman makes eyes at the guy, inviting him over. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the guy gets up the nerve to ask her: The bartender says youre a hooker, is that true?
The woman says Yes. I do it for the money. In fact, Ill do anything for $200.
The guy thinks for a minute and then pulls out $200, gives it to her and says Paint my house.
About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didnt have to.
Screw up your life, youve screwed everything else up.
The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going Beep Beep!
No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
The Coyote could stop anytime – IF he were not a fanatic. A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim – George Santayana.
No dialogue ever, except Beep Beep!
The road Runner must stay on the road — otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters — the Southwest American desert.
All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyotes greatest enemy.
The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures
Theres this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?
The missionary says, Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say Thank God to make it go and Amen to make it stop.
Not paying much attention, the man says, Sure, ok.
So, he gets on the horse and says, Thank God and the horse starts walking. Then he says, Thank God, Thank God, and the horse starts trotting.
Feeling really brave, the man say, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God and the horse just literally takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and hes doing everything he can to make the horse stop. Whoa, stop, hold on!!!
Finally he remembers, AMEN!!
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff.
The man leans back in the saddle and says, Thank God.
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
Where are we going? And whats with this handbasket?
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Errr… Well, Ive got a patch that I could apply to it, but if you can just wait till next year, itll all be fixed when we upgrade to lightbulb version 6.1…
An Australian cricket fan dies on match day (probably from drinking too much) and goes to heaven in his Australian cricket shirt.
He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks Saint Peter.
Hello mate, the Aussie says.
No Australian cricket fans in heaven, replies Saint Peter.
What? exclaims the man, astonished.
You heard, no Australian cricket fans.
But, but, but, Ive been a good man, replies the Aussie.
Oh really, says Saint Peter. What have you done then?
Well, three weeks before I died I gave $10 to the starving children in Africa.
Oh, says Saint Peter, anything else?
Well, two weeks before I died I also gave $10 to the homeless.
Hmmm, anything else?
Yeah. A week before I died I gave $10 to the Albanian orphans.
OK, said Saint Peter, you wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.
Ten minutes pass before Saint Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, Ive had a word with God and he agrees with me. Heres your $30 back, now f*** off.