Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving

1. Talk about huge breasts!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Its Cool Whip time!
4. If I dont undo my pants, Ill burst!
5. Thats one terrific spread!
6. Im in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, youll get some!
10. Dont play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think youll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didnt expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. Youll know its ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didnt think I could handle all of that!
18. Thats the biggest one Ive ever seen

[Ed: Yet another compendium]

And who says our educational system is in dire straits? I submit these
compilations as testimony to the debate, taken from children, newspapers,
and teachers:

This paper needs a few comas.

When papa passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a
urinal.

We sat down to a picnic dinner of fricken chicasee.

You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal.

It was so hot during football practice that a lot of kids keeled over from
nervous prostitution. Rusty Banazek broke his clavichord in scrimmage.

At the Knights of Columbus dinner, they will serve the same fish as last
year.

Tomorrow Helen Henry visits the home of a retired Navy Captain and his wife,
an exotic U-shaped structure.

LOST: Male cat. Needs medication. Owner very worried, neutered and declawed.

Winners at the card party were William Davenport, a turkey, and Mrs. Trudy
Baker, a chicken.

Dear Teacher: Stanley had to miss some school. He had an attack of whooping
cranes in his chest.

Dear Teacher: Lynda was away as she had stripe infection.

Dear Teacher: Please excuse the stink on Bills clothes. Weve been spraying
the garden because it is full of abnoxus incests.

Dear Teacher: Please excuse Jane. She had an absent tooth. Wednesday she will
have an appointment with the orinthologist.

Dear Teacher: Please excuse my daughters absence for the past week,
as she had a case of the fool.

Steven C. Neighorn
Portland Public Schools

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures hes referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and…

He is interrupted by the doctor, And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear.

Yes! Exactly! How did you know?

Well I am the worlds greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.

Two weeks go by and the man is back, Well, how do you feel? the doctor asked.

Doc, Im a new man! I feel great! I havent had a headache since I started this treatment! I cant thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home.

Why did the jellybean jump off the cliff ?

Because he wanted to be a smarty!

I resent that remark. said the blonde as she rose from the cafeteria table. Ill give you 5 seconds to take that back.

Oh yeah? snarled the dark haired woman, who upon standing was head and shoulders above the blonde. Suppose I dont take it back in five seconds?

Well … stammered the blonde, how much time do you need?

1. If I like it, its mine.

2. If its in my mouth, its mine.

3. If I can take it from you, its mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, its mine.

5. If Im chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.

8. If I saw it first, its mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, its yours.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Button!
Button who?
Button in is not polite!

Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family!

Customer: (to bartender)
My wife and I just got into a knock down, drag out fight!

Bartender: What happened?

Customer: When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!

Bartender: Wow! What did she say?

Customer: She said, come out from under that bed right now you coward or Ill kick your butt again!!

Two cowboys are out riding and are ambushed by Indians.

They are taken back to camp and tied up. The chief says to the first man, Death or goomy goomy.

The man not wanting to die said, Goomy goomy.

So the tribe of Indians took the first man and sodomized him repeatedly.

The first man was drug back and tied to his post as his body hung limp.

Then the chief approached the second man, Death or goomy goomy.

Not wanting to go through the ordeal the first man had gone through, he said I shall take death!

The chief stepped back and said, Good, then death it shall be. Death by goomy goomy!