Q: Why did the chicken say, Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?
A: He was studying foreign languages
12
May
12
May
One day, a little boy went to his father daddy, is God male or female? and his father answered Well son, God is both male and female.Then the boy asked Daddy, is God black or white? and his father answered well son, God is both black and white.Then the boy asked Daddy, is God gay or straight? and his father said well son, God is both gay and straight.The boy was quiet for a while and seemed to be thinking. Finally he broke the silence by saying Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?
12
May
[Ed: Edited ]
Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving
class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute
emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the
reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked
down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up
with equal velocity.
Hey, you know anything about parachutes? he shouted to her, as they passed
by.
The reply: No… you know anything about Coleman stoves?
12
May
A guy goes into a doctors office and sits down in the waiting room. After a few minutes, he hears a series of screams and moans from the examining rooms, followed by a hastily departing nun. Moments later the doctor appears, with an immensely satisfied grin on his face. Man: What on earth happened back there? Doc: I just told Sister Mary she was pregnant. Man: Goodness, is she? Doc: Of course not. Man: Well then, that was an awful thing to say! Doc: On the contrary, it cured her hiccups.
12
May
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, We need some four-by-twos.
The clerk said, You mean two-by-fours, dont you?
The man said, Ill go check, and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.
Alright. How long do you need them?
The customer paused for a minute and said, Id better go check. After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, A long time. Were gonna build a house.
11
May
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but hell break ten bulbs before figuring out that they cant just be pushed in.
11
May
Sign in restaurant window: Eat now – Pay waiter.
11
May
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. Ive answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
11
May
Why was Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years?
Because men refuse to ask for directions!
Whats the fastest way to a mans heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
What is the worst part of a mans body?
His penis because it has a head with no brains, hangs out with two nuts and lives around the corner from an asshole.
When is a man as smart as a woman
When he is plugged in to one.
How come men never sink in water?
Shit floats.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because there were no women on his side.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but youre not quite sure why.
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs dont turn into men when they drink.
Why dont men ever get MAD COW DISEASE?
Because men are all PIGS.
WHY IS FOOD BETTER THEN MEN ?
YOU DONT HAVE TO WAIT AN HOUR FOR SECONDS!
WHY ARE MEN LIKE POPCORN ?
THEY SATIFY YOU BUT ONLY FOR A WHILE !
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.
How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who knows; they never get the house
What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common?
There both empty from the neck up.
why did the man get fired from the Orange Juice factory?
he wasnt concentrating
Why do women have more trouble with hemorrhoids than men?
Because God made man the perfect asshole.
What do men and linoleum have in common?
Lay them right and you can walk all over them the rest of your life.
What do men and microwaves have in common?
Theyre both done in 30 seconds.
Whats a mans idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging
How can you tell if a man is well hung?
If you cant get your finger between the rope and his neck!!!!
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his feet.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Its kinda cute, but can it pick up peanuts?
Whats the diff. between Bigfoot and an honest man?
Bigfoot has been sighted!
Why are all dumb Blond jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
What is the difference between government bonds and men?
Government bonds mature.
Whats a mans idea of helping with house work?
lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
Whats the difference between man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
What did God say when he created man?
I can do better than this.
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
They cook, we eat. They clean, we dirty. They iron, we wrinkle
How do men exercise at the beach?
Everytime they see a bikini, they suck their belly in.
What does a man concider a seven corse meal to be?
A hot dog and a 6 pack.
Why are men like noodles?
they are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they are always in need of dough.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
because if the crew gets lost, at least the woman will ask for directions.
11
May
If there isnt a law, there will be.