Los recién casados llegan a la habitación del hotel. El marido está impaciente por comenzar. La novia, tranquilamente, se sienta en la cama, se quita la peluca y la tira al armario; luego se saca la dentadura postiza y la echa al armario, a continuación, se quita un pecho y lo arroja al armario; después se desenrosca la pierna de palo que llevaba y al armario; al quitarse el brazo ortopédico le susurra al marido:
Cariño, ven.
¡¿Adónde, a la cama o al armario?!
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise
money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to
your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the
underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you
have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both,
shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce
the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon
images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherds
pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you dont know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12
cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim
full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an
ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become
doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A man who has no children to speak of.
Why wasnt Jesus born in Italy?
– They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin!
In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning, an angel apppeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I herby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.” And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?”
The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?” Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But This time you hold the pigeon down and Ill shit on its head.”
Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?
Mum replies: yes dear
Day 2:
We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?
Mum replies: yes dear
Day 3:
We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and Im a 36DD. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?
Mum replies: No dear, its because your 25.
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Spiritual means: Involved with a cult
Stable means: Boring
Tall, thin means: Anorexic
What do you call lice on a bald mans head?
Homeless.
You might be a rednack if…
Youve ever re-used a paper plate.
Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.
When you hear someone talking about the king you dont know whether theyre talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half your guns illegal.
You use a pig for a garbage disposal.
You cant go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the trucks gas cap.
You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday.
You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.
A tornado goes through your trailers yard and makes it look neater.
Youve got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You think Meals on Wheels is another name for roadkill.
You spell fertilizer with only 4 letters.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
Youve ever slam-shifted a tractor.
yo mamas so fat she walked in front of the tv and i missed 2 commercials
yo mamas so stupid she thought a NFL quarterback was a refund
yo mamas so poor she was kickin a can down the street i asked her what she was doing and she said moving
jo mamas so fat she saw a school bus and chased it thinking it was a twinkie
your mamas so fat she got baptised at sea world
yo mamas so fat she tripped over k mart stumbled over walmart and landed right on target
yo mamas so fat she made my truck a low rider