Theorem: 3=4
Proof:
Suppose:
a + b = c
This can also be written as:
4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c
Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3
Three men, a doctor, a minister, and a lawyer take a fishing boat out onto the ocean. A terrible storm arises, and the boat takes a great quantity of water. Fearing that they will all die, they decide that one of them must jump into the shark infested waters so that the other two may live.
The minister volunteers, saying that God will take care of him. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
More water comes into the boat. They decide that one of the two remaining people must jump in. The doctor says I have spent my entire life healing people, certainly I will survive the ocean. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
A person is walking along the shore line. He sees the boat being pushed by sharks onto the shore. It reaches the shore, and the lawyer steps out calmly. The man runs to the lawyer, and says hey, what was that all about?
The lawyer says Professional courtesy.
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients.
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
…And the list goes on for quite awhile.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, Wait, Ive done some charity in my life also. St. Peter looks in his book and says,Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct? The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, Yes. St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.
how many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
After years of his wifes pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preachers sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!
The Preacher replied, Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please…Id appreciate it if you didnt use the Lords name in vain!
The man said, Im sorry Reverend, but I cant help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!
The Reverend said, Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church!
The man said, Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $
500.00 in the collection plate!
And the Reverend said, NO SHIT?!
38 Long
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? Its a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
Do you know why the French wear turtlenecks?
– To hide their flea collars.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.