The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, Hey! Cut it out, all right!
The rear tiger says, sorry, and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, I said stop it!
The rear tiger says, sorry, and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, What is it with you, anyway?
The rear tiger replies, Well, I just ate a lawyer and Im trying to get the taste out of my mouth!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Old man frank goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A couple of days later the banker comes along and asks: How is our bull doing?
Frank says: Our bull isnt doing to good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he dont want nothing to do with them.
Banker says: You better call the vet.
Couple of days later banker comes along again. Hows our bull doing now.
Frank says: Plenty damn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence and is working on the neighbors cows!
Banker says, Wow! What did the vet give him?
Frank says: Gave him some pills.
Banker says: What kind of pills?
Frank says: I dont know but they tasted sort of like peppermint.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Confucius says:
Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Heres a joke I appropriated from an old TV show:
Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying several
credit cards with Mrs. Johnsons name on them.
Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.
Police: But dont you want your credit cards back?
Mr. Johnson: No. Hes been spending only about half as much as
Mrs. Johnson.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Xenia!
Xenia who?
Xenia stealing my sweets!
Posted in Knock-knock |
Q: How many Borg will it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them.
Posted in Lightbulb |
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.
Posted in Lightbulb |
En uno de sus sermones, Jesús dice a sus apóstoles:
El que esté libre de pecado, que arroje la primera piedra.
En eso le pasa rozando la cabeza una tremenda piedra. Extrañado, descubre que una viejita fue la culpable y exclama:
¡Tú no juegas madre!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un barco estaba a punto de ser asaltado por piratas. En la cubierta, toda la tripulación se preparaba a repeler el ataque. En ese momento el capitán lanzó a su asistente personal una orden que llenó de coraje y valentÃa a la tripulación: ¡Tráeme la camisa roja! ¡Que todos puedan verme combatir valientemente! ¡Y si soy herido, que nadie pueda ver la sangre sobre mi camisa roja!
Llega por fin el abordaje pirata y la tripulación combate valerosamente, siguiendo el ejemplo de su capitán. El barco pirata es hundido y los bandidos sobrevivientes capturados. La tripulación felicita al capitán y todo mundo festeja como se debe hasta que, ya tarde, se van a dormir.
En la madrugada, el vigÃa los despierta a todos con un grito: ¡Barcos piratas nos rodean! ¡Son al menos diez!
El capitán sale a cubierta, seguido de su asistente personal. Todo el mundo espera la frase del capitán, la exhortación al combate… Y el capitán se vuelve hacia su asistente y le dice: ¡Tráeme el pantalón café!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
Posted in Business |