Knock Knock
Whos there?
Maria!
Maria who?
Maria me, I love you!
30
Jul
30
Jul
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
30
Jul
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
30
Jul
A man goes to a kennel to buy a hunting dog. This is one of the best hunting dogs I have, said the proprietor. The man looks the dog over and agrees to the purchase.
Several days later he goes duck hunting at a lake. When the first bird is hit and falls into the water, the dog rushes to the edge of the lake and walks on the water to retrieve the duck. Quickly grabbing it with his mouth , the dog again walks on the water and deposits the bird in front of the amazed hunter. This happens again with every bird the hunter shoots.
The next day, the kennel owner is surprised to see the hunter back with the dog. He looked angry and said, I want my money back! This dog is supposed to be a hunting dog but hes no darn good!
The astonished proprietor replies, Gee, Im surprised. This is one of my best dogs. Whats the problem?
This dog isnt a hunting dog, replied the hunter, He cant even swim!
30
Jul
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods…
Cats have never forgotten this.
Heres proof that Cats are smarter than dogs…
You cant get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when theyre called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.
Cats arent clean, theyre just covered with cat spit!
30
Jul
Q: What Do you call a Brunette standing between 2 Blondes?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a Blonde standing between 2 Brunettes?
A: Mental Block.
30
Jul
A woman puts panties on her head to protect her hair whilst painting the walls. The doorbell rings and her small son answers it.Mum! The boy shouts, Take your panties off. The milkmans here and wants paying.
30
Jul
Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they are still in darkness.
29
Jul
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.
Takes pride in work: Conceited.
Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement.
29
Jul
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldnt sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughters bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, Thats normal, especially on her wedding night.
She snuck by her second oldest daughters room and heard her laughing.
Thats normal too, she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughters room where she didnt hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last nights noises. Well Mom, she replied, you always said if it hurt I should scream.
Youre absolutely right sweetheart, the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. Now why were you laughing? she asked.
You always said if it tickled, I could laugh, she answered.
True enough, honey. The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. Now its your turn, baby, she said turning to her youngest daughter. Why was it so quiet in your room last night?
Mom, dont you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.