Yo mama so fat…

Poza publicata in [ Yo Mama ]

Her nickname is DAMN

she eats Wheat Thicks.

people jog around her for exercise.

she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody.

she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.

she put on a red tee shirt and all the little kids said Kool-Aid, Kool-Aid.

they wrote a book about her, It was called Moby Dick.

she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.

she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says okay!

when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said Taxi!

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she got to iron her pants on the driveway

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

the highway patrol made her wear Caution! Wide Turn

when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

when she steps on a scale, it read one at a time, please

she fell in love and broke it.

when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

when she gets on the scale it says we dont do livestock.

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

shes got her own area code!

she looks like shes smuggling a Volkswagen!

God couldnt light Earth till she moved!

NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…

shes got Amtrak written on her leg.

even Bill Gates couldnt pay for her liposuction!

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitchs good side!

she wakes up in sections!

when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washingtons nose.

when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

she got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

shes on both sides of the family!

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

even her clothes have stretch marks!

she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like shes wearin tights!

she got hit by a parked car!

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

she has a run in her blue-jeans!

they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

she has to buy two airline tickets.

she influences the tides.

that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

the animals at the zoo feed her.

she was baptized at Marine World.

when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

she stands in two time zones.

sets off car alarms when she runs.

she cant reach her back pocket.

when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

when she got hit by a bus, she said, Who threw that rock?

when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!

we went to the drive-in and didnt have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

to her light food means under 4 Tons

The Himalayas are practices runs to prepare for her

she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!

she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get off!

she was zoned for commercial development

she won Miss Bessie the Cow 94

she has her own brand of jeans: FA – FatAss Jeans

Yo mama so fat . . . shes fat!

God cant lift her spirits!

she played Free Willys stunt double.

when she falls in the Grand Canyon, she gets stuck.

I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.

she got an actual size tattoo of the projects on her butt.

that when she drives on the interstate, she has to stop at the weigh station.

when she jumps off the high dive she shows up on radar.

uses a freeway for a slip and slide.

her belt size is equator.

that people wish to buy food 100% Yo Mama Free

they wont allow her on most bridges.

Knock Knock Whos there? Cronkite! Cronkite who? Cronkite evidence!

Poza publicata in [ Knock-knock ]

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Cronkite!
Cronkite who?
Cronkite evidence!

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly,

Poza publicata in [ Business ]

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.

Pizza, Pizza

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

A guy ordered a pizza, and Luigi behind the counter asked him if he wanted his pizza in 4 slices or 8.
"Better make it four, cause I really cant finish 8 slices."

What Are Ya, Chicken?

Poza publicata in [ Animal ]

Whyd the chicken cross the road? To show the blonde how!

Yo momma likes twinkies

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

what did your momma say when she saw a bus?

To continue, press CTRL-ALT-DEL

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

A Cyberspace friend of mine here in Istanbul who teaches computer science to junior high-school students related the following (real) occurrence in one of his classes.

It was the early days of the school year and he was describing the machines (PCs) to the kids in general terms. As he was explaining keyboard functions he pointed out that if the computer ever got locked up (he demonstrated a lock-up) you could regain control of the machine by pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL simultaneously (demonstrating that, too).

Some of the kids objected that their hands were too small and that they werent quick enough to hit all three keys at once.

As the teacher began explaining and demonstrating that all you needed to do was hold down CTRL+ALT with one hand and press DEL with the other, his eye happened on a boy in the front row: He had the index finger of his left hand on the left CTRL key, the index figure of his right hand on the right ALT key and after searching for the DEL key for about five or ten seconds, he paused for a moment as if thinking what to do next and then calmly pressed it with his nose…

15 Signs You Drank Too Much

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

15 – You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.

14 – Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

13 – Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

12 – Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

11 – For some reason, theres salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10 – Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Beas pancakes.

9 – For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you couldve bought the automobile.

8 – Youre now the proud inventor of the Slim Jim: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7 – Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6 – Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5 – Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, Hey, its Vomit Man!

4 – The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long itll take you to find your pants.

3 – Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2 – Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1 – Youre now sober enough to realize Drink Canada Dry is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

University assignments

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

There was a university in New England where the students operated a bank of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade.

A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the bank and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicious C, retyped it and handed the work in.

In due course he received it back with the professors comments I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad to give it one!

Creation

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Why did God give deers eyes? I have no eye-deer!