Old and New Jokes

On a busy day, on a busy corner, there is a big accident in which there is a victim. The man who has been injured request for a priest.

The police officer on the scene turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Nobody answers. The man still cryes out A priest, a priest please.

The officer once again turns around and ask if there is a priest in the crowd. Suddenly, an old jewish rabby comes up and say Officer, Im a old 70 years old Rabbi, but Ive lived for 20 years behind St. Patrick church. Every night I hear them in their prayers. Maybe I can help.

So the officer bring the Rabbi to the dying man. The Rabbi kneels down and addresses these following words to the dying man:

B1-I18-N44-G56-O75

where did 50 cent go when he went to the hospital????

One, but it will take 4 episodes.

Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
Then the Professor started the class by telling them, In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that it is necessary that you dont get disgusted.

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it.

Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people.

We like the letter of resignation offered by charming young secretary who was forced to quit her job because of embarassing circumstances. Dear Boss, it began, Im getting too big for this job …

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

Un par de amigas caminaban solas a altas horas de la noche por un barrio temible, cuando de pronto sienten a lo lejos unos pasos apresurados detras de ellas.

Las dos amigas asustadas deciden apresurar el paso y no se detienen para nada… hasta que llegan a un callejón sin salida.

De repente en la oscuridad ven al tipo que las persigue acercarse con baba en la boca; y una de ellas le grita alocadamente ante la inminencia de un ataque brutal:

¡¿Qué chucha quieres?!

El violador contesta:

!AH, PUEDO ESCOGER!

YO mamma is so fat…she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!

A: Because it was a double-crosser.

I just found this one on the web, too! Some peeps just have too much time on their hands, eh?

This story may or may not be true from experiences I may or may not have had with the IRS if I ever did even work for them.

During my short employment tour with the IRS in the mail room, ive found several harmless ways to mess with them and receive no recourse.

Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.

Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).

Line the bottom of your envelope with elmers glue and let it dry before you put in you forms, so that the automated opener doesnt open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.

If your very unfortunate and have to pay taxes use a two or three party check.

On top of paying with a three party check pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.

Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to read and stamped regardless of what it is or what its on.

Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.

When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.

If you send 2 checks theyll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.

Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.

Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to verified and then date stamped.

These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the man. These methods are only recommended when you owe money.