Put a Mac in front of everything you say. Example: Excuse me, Mac-sir but could I get some Mac-salt with my
Mac-fries.(MacCOUGH MacCOUGH) And could you give me Mac-directions to the Mac-grocerie Mac-store? Mac-Thanks.When going thru the drive thru, change your order every time they repeat it.Order a burger with no bun but extra ketchup.Bring in a dead mouse, put it in your drink and sue.Ask your server to stop intentionly insulting your race.Order a Whopper.Park just the right amount of space away from the drive thru window so that they cant reach you.When ordering at the drive thru, turn up the radio and open the door so that it goes..DING..DING..DING.Speak in an exaggerated staticy voice like the one your hearing thru the drive thru speaker and then when you pull up speak like that again.Step in dog crud before you come in.Tell them that you are the state inspector and try to get into the kitchen.
Q. Why dont polish women use vibrators?
A. It chips their teeth.
A bloke who had just bought a pint of beer in a pub remembered that he had to make a telephone call. To make sure nobody stole his beer he wrote untruthfully on a piece of paper: I have spat in this beer
On his return, he found that his beer was intact, but someone had added the words: So have I.
Microsoft announces beta relase of Windows TP
REDMOND, WA (MAR. 31) BUSINESS WIRE – Microsoft Corp. announced Thursday that a beta release of Windows TP, the telepathic operating system, was released to 1,500 test sites worldwide.
Developed using the soon-to-be released Microsoft C for Neurons, Windows TP bypasses awkward user interfaces by interacting directly with the users brain. Using the Microsoft MindMouse, users can visualize images in their mind, and the application associated with that image (or thought icon) is executed. Users can visualize pictures to create Windows Bitmap images, or think text directly into Windows applications. Windows TP is fully compatible with all previous versions of Windows. Data stored under Windows TP can be copied into the users short-term memory (the Windows TP Clipboard), or transferred directly into the users long-term memory using Windows new 32-bit Direct Neuron Access technology. Users can then plug into other Windows TP systems to transfer the data.
Microsoft also announced the first application developed exclusively for Windows TP. CyberMail is a mental mail system designed to transfer messages by thought. Users visualize the person or company logo they want to send a message to, followed by the message to send. Microsoft has had a beta version of the application in use for several months.
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ:MSFT) is the worldwide leader in software for personal computers. The company offers a wide range of products and services for business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal computing every day.
CONTACT: Microsoft Corporation Liz Wagthor, 206/555-8080 (CyberMail address: A short, dumpy lady, with shiny red hair, and a really gross mole growing on the right side of her lip. A blue tattoo on her right arm says, Billy Gs the Man for Me.)
Originally from Dave Coble
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Q: How many scrabble players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: I dont actually know, but its on a triple word score anyway.
A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk.
She turns to him and says, Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?
The drunk replied, Yes maam, I have indeed shit myself.
The woman says, Well, why dont you go somewhere and clean yourself up?
The drunk says, Cos Im not finished yet…
HabÃa en un corral un torete que siempre deseaba a la ternera de la otra cerca, pero, como la cerca estaba alambrada a una altura de dos metros, este no podÃa pasar y decÃa a si mismo, algún dÃa saltaré esa cerca y por fin ella será mÃa.
Pasaron dos años y el torete se convirtió en un toro grande y robusto y se dijo:
Por fin soy lo suficientemente grande y saltaré esa cerca para hacer mÃa a esa linda vaquita.
Tomó una distancia de cinco metros para saltar y a toda carrera logró saltarla traspasando el alambre de púas. Al caer se sacudió y se acercó a la vaquita que estaba como él la deseaba. y le preguntó:
Amiguita ¿cómo te llamas?
Mi nombre es MARISOL, pero, solo dime MARI por el SOL está en el cielo. ¿y tú?
Yo me llamo JUAN TROLON pero solo dime JUAN por que mis TROLAS están en el cerco.
As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I cant forget last night.You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone. I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last nights events.My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishings, making it harder to forget you.Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you…..you !@#$ mosquito!
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says Hey, how bout it? You and me, gettin it on. Ive got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money. She stands up and says, What makes you think I charge by the inch?