Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ilka!
Ilka who?
Ilka-pone!
22
Apr
22
Apr
A woman walks into her sex therapists office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.
The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says shedoesnt know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesnt know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist thatthe sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesnt know; its an experimental drug and she doesnt know what a full bottle could do to a person.
Anyway, the woman leaves the therapists office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husbands morning coffee.
A week later, a boy walks into the therapists office and says: Are you the dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?
Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?
Well, moms dead, my sisters pregnant, my ass hurts, and dads sittin in the corner going Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…
22
Apr
At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of
serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks himWhat
the hell did you do to your back?
The patient replies You know that I work for a local night club? Today
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and
the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not
find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out
and he was dressing himself.I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,Thats how I strained my back
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor says My previous looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell
happened to you? He replies, You know I have been unemployed for a
while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my
alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting
dressed at the same time, and you wont believe it but I was hit by a
fridge.
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients
do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, What the hell happened to you?
Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!
22
Apr
Top Ten Signs You are an Internet Geek…
10. When filling out your drivers license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is Hi, whats your URL?
8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
7. Youre amazed to find out spam is a food.
6. You ping people to see if theyre awake, finger them to find out how they are, and AYT them to make sure theyre listening to you.
5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
4. You introduce your wife as my lady@home.wife and refer to your children as client applications.
3. At social functions you introduce your husband as my domain server.
2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, I feel so colon-right parentheses!
And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:
1. Two Words: Pizzas Here!
21
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!
21
Apr
Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb??
A: Five. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple…
Note: Topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983
21
Apr
Buying a Fur Coat
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, young Jackie said unhappily, Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?
The woman shot her an angry look, Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!
21
Apr
Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddys hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic nature honeymoon.
He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,
Billy Joe, be gentle, I air never been with a man bfore.
WHAT?
shouts Billy Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head. Billy Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes and races out the door, into his truck…
down the mountain…
straight to his parents house… rushes inside screaming,
Hey Daddy! Paw! Git up!’
His father rushes downstairs and gasps,
Billy Joe, whatre you doin here?
Billy Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps,
Well, Betty-Sue and I was in the cabin and she toll me she aint never been with a man afore… sos I rushed outta there an lit back here quick as I could.
His father grasps Billy Joes shoulder in reassurance and says,
Son, ya done the right thing. Iffin she aint goodnuff fer her family, she shure as shit aint goodnuff fer ours!
21
Apr
A ver Jaimito, ¿Cuántos habitantes hay en la tierra?
Cinco millones…
¡No, hombre, no, muchos más!
Siete millones…
¡Que no, Jaimito, muchos más!
Nueve millones…
¡QUE NO HOMBRE, DI UNA BURRADA!
Pues…, ¡¡Me cagüen tu puta madre!!
21
Apr
Manolo y Venancio están subidos en un árbol comiendo manzanas. De pronto, aparece la Guardia Civil y los ve:
Venga, bajad del árbol.
Los dos tontilandeses bajan del manzano; ya en el suelo, la Guardia Civil les pregunta:
A ver, ¿vosotros quienes sois?
Pues quiénes vamos a ser, somos los del árbol, responde con desdén Manolo.