Redmond, Wash.
April 1, 1998
Microsoft today announced the newest addition to its popular Windows (TM) line of computer operating systems. Code named Atlantis, the newest offering will be officially known as Win 00, pronounced Windows double zero.
At the gala press conference, complete with red, white, and blue lights bathing the stage, Bill Gates, President and CEO of Microsoft, personally made the announcement. Multicast to every corner of the world, Gates spoke to the huge crowd of computer press, as a 60 foot high video screen behind him showed his face, and Aerosmith sang their hit Dream On in the background.
We are on the verge of the new millenium, and Microsoft is ready to lead the way into the new century. Just as we have been on the forefront of technology, claiming every advance in computing, we will now set the newest standard in the market. Taking the concept of the Virtual machine to its next logical evolutionary stage, our new operating system features the virtual desktop. No longer can the luddites claim that we have taken the look and feel of a competitors system. This concept will mark the beginning of a new paradyme for desktop computing. Yesterday we said Where do you want to go today?, and tomorrow we will say what do you want now? Microsoft has shown again that we are the only choice.
Following the rousing cheers and a standing ovation from the assembled press, Vice President Steve Ballmar continued on the theme established during the keynote speech.
As you all know, Microsoft is and will continue to be the dominant force in desktop software. To maintain our advantage, we have developed the ultimate in ease of use for our customers. Our aim was to develop something that would be everything to everyone. We have been able to achieve this and more. As fate would have it, this project, along with another initially unrelated one, came together with the spectacular results you will see. That second project, designed to target the widely held, but untrue belief that our software is bloated and buggy, had the aim of decreasing the footprint of our operating system. As both projects developed, they converged, and we found that we could achieve both goals by extending the virtual desktop concept to the ultimate level. We have virtualized the entire operating system!
This concept has many advantages. Any user can make his system anything he wants, limited only by his lack of vision. Everyone can have things exactly as they want, and if there are any glitches in the implementation, it will only be due to user error. Let me show you how powerful and easy this new concept is with an illustration. Imagine that you have to give a presentation for an important client, and that you will want to use a word processor for the text, a spreadsheet for some tabular data, and of course, some presentation graphics. Now further imagine that you have all of the Microsoft tools that will allow you to do this perfectly, conveniently located on your virtual desktop. Now imagine that you are done. Wasnt that easy!
With things this easy to use, and all responsibility for error shifted to the user, we feel that tech support is no longer needed, although such a drastic move might cause undue concern for our customers. Therefore, we have implemented a new, highly trained transitional staff to help with any issues our customers might have.
This has allowed us to put our current tech support staff to work on other critical items, including the next paradyme shift in network computing, and mowing Bills lawn. By its nature, the virtual Operating System, and the associated virtual desktop, is highly correlated to the thoughts and needs of the individual user. This ties in perfectly with Microsofts recent purchase of the Psychic Friends Network. There will be an 800 number, and each caller will get the first 10 minutes free, then the chance to talk to his or her own psychic, to help with rebuilding the virtual desktop.
Press reaction was positive, with comments such as:
- Steven Manes, columnist for PC World
I have finally found something I can understand. It is so simple, a child could do it. There is nothing to it.
- Sandy Reed, Editor of Infoworld gushed
The greatest thing since sliced bread. I can see now that this will be voted the best operating system in next years readers choice survey.
- Jerry Pournelle, Senior Contributing Editor of Byte Magazine
Frankly, I dont see it, but … Bobs your Uncle.
- John Dvorak, computer columnist and radio personality
This is revolutionary. I am surprised that no one thought of it before.
After the press conference ended, a Microsoft spokesman filled in a few more details. We are calling it Win 00, not Windows 2000, simply because we cannot garantee that it will be Year 2000 compliant, and since the Department of Justice is being so picky about anything we say, we thought a little truth in advertising would be prudent at this time. The product is scheduled for release the first quarter of 2000, and slated to ship by the third quarter of 2002. It will be available to all OEMs and VARs under the same limitations and restrictions that apply under their current licensing agreements. Windows and now the number 00 are trademarks of the Microsoft Corporation. all rights reserved.