A Blonde was down on her luck.
In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, Ive kidnapped you.
She then wrote a note saying,
Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kids shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer are driving down a mountain road when the brakes fail. They scream down the mountain gaining speed every second and screeching around corners. Finally they manage to stop, more by luck than by judgment, mere inches from a thousand-foot drop to the jagged rocks on the valley floor. More than slightly shaken, they emerge from the car.
I think I can fix it, says the computer engineer.
The systems analyst says, No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist examine it.
The programmer holds his chin between thumb and forefinger and says, Okay, but first I think we ought to get back in and see if it does it again.
Posted in Animal |
Una vez cuando un padre estaba comenzando la misa empezó un terremoto y la gente en la iglesia comenzaron a gritar y el padre les dice:
Hijos mÃos, recen un Padre nuestro.
Y empezaron: Padre nuestro…
Pero luego la intensidad del terremoto fue mayor y el padre dice:
Hijos mÃos, recen un Ave MarÃa.
Y empezaron: Dios te salve…
Pero por desgracia el terremoto fue aún mayor y comenzaron a caerse las tablas del techo. Y el padre grita:
¡Hijos mÃos, las tablas!
Y la gente comenzó:
1X1=1, 1X2=2…
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
After Bill Clinton Dies he goes directly to Hell. Upon arriving he is met by Satan, who informs him that Hell is currently full but since he REALLY deserves to be there, they will make special arrangements by letting someone else leave to make room for Bill. And, as a special favor, he will be given a choice of people to replace. Satan then leads Bill to a room with three doors.
The first door opens. Behind the door is Newt Gingrich. Hes being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, That looks painful. I dont think this is for me.
The second door opens. Behind door #2 is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton again says, I dont think this is for me.
The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He is naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. I can handle that! Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.
Very well, says Satan. Monica, youve been pardoned – you may go now.
Posted in Political |
Monica Lewinski walks into a cleaners carrying her blue dress. After she
dropped it off for it to be cleaned and was about to walk out the door,
the little chinese man behind the counter said, Come again!
No Monica says, This time its mayonaise!
Posted in Political |
Three AM comes around and Hillary tries to wake up Bill.
Bill mumbles What?
Hillary gives him another shake.
Im sleeping. says Bill, and he falls back asleep.
Finally Hillary pushes him out of bed. Bill gets up off the floor and says
OK, Im up. What do you want?
I have to go to the bathroom. says Hillary
You mean you woke me up at three in the morning just to tell me you had to go
to the bathroom!
No, says Hillary, I want you to save my spot
Posted in Political |
Yo mama so fat she got her own magnetic poles.
Posted in Yo Mama |
Stallone, Tony Danza ,and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers.
Stallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says hell be Bethoven, and Swarzanagger says Ill be Bach!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.
After a while the first woman sighed, Oy! The others sighed sympathetically.
Then the second woman sighed, Oy Vey!
The others nodded.
A third woman said, Oy, Gottenyu!
The others nodded as if in agreement.
Finally, the fourth woman said, Enough talk about the children. Lets go for a walk!
Posted in Jewish |
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the
passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started
searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a
womans saree. He asked her Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a
photograph
The rest is history.
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse
condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a
remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He
couldnt find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the
Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner repliedI
have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I cant allow you to stay.
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the
night.The Owner replied,I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I cant allow
you to stay.
He went to the next house and asked: Do you have grown up
Daughters?. The Owner asked,WHY????????? Banta replied, I wanted
to stay here for a night….. The rest is history.
Posted in General / Unsorted |