A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is: Name the three best advantages of mothers milk.
The student immediately writes, One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby.
Two: It is inside the mothers body and therefore protected from germs and infections.
But the student cant think of the third answer. Finally, he writes, Three: It comes in such nice containers.
Ever since Lutherans stopped discriminating against gays in the church, things are a little different.
Recently, the Lutheran church service was under way and they pasted the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stop the service and asked whom ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate to please stand up.
A gay man stood up and announced that the donation was his. The preacher told him, Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns. Excitedly, the gay guy looked around and started pointing, saying, Ill take him, him, and him.
A man was tired of the city life so he decided to move way out in the country where he would have all the room and privacy that he needed. His house was at least 35 miles from everything and everyone. No one ever came to visit and he never went to visit anyone. After about the sixth month at his new home, he began to get a little lonesome and wondered if hed really made the right move.
That evening while he sat in his rocking chair on his front porch, he noticed someone walking along his long, secluded driveway towards his house. He quickly approached the strange man and asked what he needed.
The stranger stated that he was a neighbor that lived just beyond the far hill and that he was having a party that night and would like to invite him. The man quickly accepted the neighbors offer and was relived to finally have some company. Before the neighbor left, he told the man, You better let me warn you about something. At this party, theres probably going to be some drinking.
The man said, well thats all right, I like to do some drinking.
The neighbor said, and theres probably going to be some fighting.
The man said, thats OK too, and like to do a little fighting.
Then the neighbor said, and after the drinking and fighting, theres probably going to be some sex.
The man said, nothing wrong with a little sex, now is there? The neighbor told the man to be there at 7:00 and started to leave when the man yelled, hey Ill bring the beer. How much do we need?
The neighbor yelled back, Oh, just a couple of six packs will do. Itll just be the two of us.
The first said, My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated.The second said, Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful.The third said, Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going.
A bloke is driving around in his Porsche in the English countryside. He stops outside a field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says, Ive got an offer. Ill guess how many sheep youve got in this field, and if I guess right, I get to take a sheep with me. If I guess wrong, you get my car.The shepherd thinks hes on to a sure thing and agrees. 137 says the driver.Damn me, youre right, says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep.The man walks away, stuffs the sheep in his car and is about to drive away when the shepherd knocks on his window. Ive got a proposal for you. says the shepherd. If I can guess what you do for a living, I get to take your car. If Im wrong, you can have all my sheep.Done, says the driver.Youre a consultant, says the shepherd.Bloody hell! How did you guess?Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know, and then you charge me for it.
A nurse from england was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading:Keep off the grass.
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: Sorry, had to mow the lawn.
You might be a redneck if you pee in the pool… off the highdive!
Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com
Dos grupos de estudiantes de una universidad van en el mismo tren a una convención de matemáticos e informáticos. Todos los matemáticos han comprado su billete, pero los informáticos han comprado sólo uno, asà que los matemáticos están preparandose para reÃrse a su costa.
En esto, uno de los informáticos grita REVISOR, y todos los informáticos se meten en el cuarto de baño. El revisor llega, les pide los billetes a los matemáticos, y al llegar al cuarto de baño llama a la puerta y dice EL BILLETE, POR FAVOR. Entonces los informáticos pasan el billete por debajo de la puerta. Después, cuando el revisor ha pasado, los informáticos vuelven a sentarse y se rÃen de los matemáticos.
Al acabar la convención, todos los estudiantes se vuelven a encontrar en la estación del tren y los matemáticos deciden usar el mismo truco, asà que compran un sólo billete para todos ellos, pero cuando suben al tren se encuentran con que los informáticos no han comprado ni un sólo billete, asà que de nuevo se preparan para gozar de su venganza…
Al cabo de un rato, alguien grita REVISOR, y entonces todos los informáticos se dirigen a un cuarto de baño y todos los matemáticos a otro. Al cabo de unos segundos, los informáticos abren su puerta y uno de ellos asoma su cabeza y mira cuidadosamente a su alrededor; luego sale del cuarto, se dirige al cuarto de baño de los matemáticos, llama a la puerta y dice: EL BILLETE, POR FAVOR
Era el cumpleaños de Pepito y habÃa invitado a su fiesta a la niña que le gustaba, enotnces le dijo a la niña:
Vamos a jugar al carro.
La niña le dijo que si.
Dijo Pepito:
Primera velociadad: yo me quito la ropa.
Segunda velocidad: tu te la quitas.
Tercera velocidad: nos subimos a la cama.
Cuarta velociadad haces el amor.
Para esto llaga su mamá y la niña le dice:
¿Qué hacemos?
Pepito responde:
Mi carro no tiene reversa.
A blonde was driving her car one day, when she ran into a hailstorm. The hail stones were very large and made a lot of dents in the roof of her car. After the hail stopped, she went to a gas station and asked the attendant what she could do to get the dents out of her car.
The attendant, being a smart-ass, told her: Blow real hard into the exhaust pipe, and that should push out the dents.
When the blonde got home, not knowing any better, she did just that. While she was down on her hands and knees with her lips wrapped around her cars tailpipe, huffing and puffing trying to blow the dents out, her roommate-also a blonde-came home.
Her roommate of course asked her what the heck she was doing.
The first blonde told her how the guy at the gas station said this was how she could get the dents out.
The second blonde thought about it for a moment, then said: Like, uh, you have to roll-up the windows first.