– You wonder why singers Sting and Bryan Adams stole wrestlersnames.- You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing.- You go to court dressed like Goldust.- When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner.- You always end a speech with, Thats the bottom line cuz John said so! or If you smellllll what John is cooking!- You wonder why DXs theme music never made the Top 100.- You continue to shove a sock down the throat of your brother-in-law.- If theres one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it.- You give everyone high fives when you walk down a hall.- Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter.- You are not from the U.S but you live there and keep insulting every American you see.- You offer someone money to burn the flag.- You think that Diesel and Kevin Nash look alike.
A guy is standing in front of his locker at the country club admiring a golf ball in his hand. One of his golfing buddies says to him, new ball?The guy responds, would you believe this the greatest ball ever made? You cant lose it! You hit it into the rough and it whistles. You hit it into the woods and a bell goes off. You drive it into the lake and a burst of steam goes off for a whole two minutes!Thats amazing, says his friend, where did you get it?I found it. says the guy.
Q:What protection does a nymphomaniac use during sex?
A:A bus shelter.
A man is sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach is standing there. The cockroach immediately punches him between the eyes and scampers off. The next evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again. This time, it punches him, kicks him and karate chops him before running away. The third evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there yet again. It leaps at him and stabs him several times before making off. The gravely injured man manages to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He is rushed to intensive care and they save his life. The next morning, the doctor is doing his rounds. He asks our hero what happened, so the man explains about the 6 foot cockroachs attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thinks for a moment and says, Yes, there is a nasty bug going around.
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
How’s business? asked the first.
Rotten, replied the other. Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Why dont chicken wear underpants?
Because their peckers on their face!
Un indio se iba a casar con una chica blanca que casualmente se llamaba también Blanca. Por la diferencia de razas, la madre le dice a su hija: No te puedes casar con ese indio.
Y la hija le responde: Pero si yo lo amo, y el tambien me ama y nos vamos a casar.
La madre le dice: si él de verdad te ama, dile que te compre todas las tierras del norte
y las ponga a tu nombre…
La hija llorando va a contárselo al indio y le dice: Mi madre dice que para poder casarnos debes comprarme las tierras del norte y ponerlas a mi nombre.
El indio le contesta: Yo amar a Blanca… poder comprar tierras del norte y ponerlas a tu nombre.
Blanca va y le dice a su madre: El indio me compró las tierras del norte, ahora sà nos vamos a casar…
Aún no, si ese indio te ama de verdad dile que también te compre las tierras del sur y las ponga a tu nombre.
La chica le cuenta al indio y el indio le dice: Yo amar a Blanca, poder comprar
tierras del sur.
La chica va contenta y le cuenta a su madre y la señora muy desesperada, sin saber que hacer para impedir que se casen, le dice: si en verdad te quieres casar con ese indio, su pene debe medir medio metro…
Y la chica llorando le dice: pero madre nadie en el mundo la tiene de ese tamaño, y su madre le responde: ¡entonces no te casas!
La chica va y con mucha pena le cuenta al indio: Mi madre dice que para casarnos tu pene
debe medir ¡MEDIO METRO!
El indio se queda pensando mucho tiempo… y finalmente le dice:
Yo amar a Blanca… ¡PODER CORTARME UN PEDAZO!
Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks youre an asshole.
Two bats were out one night looking for blood, but after a few hours of unsuccessful huntingthey decided to go home.In the wee hours of the morning, one of the bats was so hungry he had to go out hunting again.An hour later he came back all covered in blood.
Where did you get that blood ?said the other bat, full of enevy.
Come and Ill show you.So out they went into the night.
See that tree over there?said the bat covered in blood.
Yeah.
Well I didnt!