There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.
The first little baby says, Ugh, look at this – my mom just bought strained plums!
The second baby says, You think thats bad – my mom just bought strained peas!
And the third baby says… You think you guys got it bad?
How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!
28
Aug
28
Aug
Yo Momma is so stupid, she thought Boyz II Men was a Daycare Center.
28
Aug
Blessed are the cross-eyed, for they shall see God twice.
28
Aug
Rabbi, the man said, Please explain the Talmud to me.
Very well, he said. First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb
up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean,
which one washes himself?
The dirty one, answers the man.
No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean
and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes
himself. Now, another question. If two men climb up a chimney and one
comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?
The man smiles and says, You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean
washes himself because he thinks he is dirty.
No, says the Rabbi. If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows
he doesnt have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself.
Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes
out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?
I dont know, Rabbi. Depending on your point of view, it could be either
one.
Again the Rabbi says, No. If two men climb up a chimney, how could
one man remain clean? They both are dirty, and they both wash themselves.
The confused man said, Rabbi, you asked me the same question
three times and you gave me three different answers.
Is this some kind of a joke?
This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud.
27
Aug
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Less and less all the time.
27
Aug
Estaban dos niños cada uno con un trompo y uno le dice al otro:
A ver, baila el trompo.
Y el otro le contesta: No sabo.
No se dice no sabo se dice no sepo.
En ese momento una señora estaba escuchando la conversación de los niños y les dice:
No se dice ni no sabo ni no sepo.
Los niños le preguntan:
Entonces, ¿Cómo se dice?
La señora les contesta:
No sé.
Y los niños le dicen:
Entonces, por qué se mete en lo que no le importa.
27
Aug
Youre so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
27
Aug
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadnt been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, We cant ship your new order until you pay for the last one.
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, Please cancel the order. We cant wait that long.
27
Aug
Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that
seems most correct (True or False) and mark an X (just
like you sign your name) under the appropriate heading on
the right side.
TRUE FALSE
1. A clitoris is a type of flower. |______|______|
2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. |______|______|
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. |______|______|
4. Vagina is a medical term used to | | |
describe heart trouble. |______|______|
5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. |______|______|
6. A G-string is part of a violin. |______|______|
7. Semen is another word for sailor. |______|______|
8. Anus is the Latin word for yearly. |______|______|
9. Testicles are found on an octopus. |______|______|
10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. |______|______|
11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. |______|______|
12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. |______|______|
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. |______|______|
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. |______|______|
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. |______|______|
16. A condom is an apartment complex. |______|______|
17. An organism is the person who accompanies | | |
the choir in church |______|______|
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. |______|______|
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. |______|______|
20. An erection is when the Japanese vote | | |
for their new government officials. |______|______|
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. |______|______|
22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. |______|______|
23. Pornography is the business of making record | | |
albums. |______|______|
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. |______|______|
25. Douche is the Italian word for twelve |______|______|
26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. |______|______|
27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. |______|______|
27
Aug
Error is often more earnest than truth.