Old and New Jokes

Because they all have phones.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Juicy!
Juicy who!
Juicy what I just saw!

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and its her husband, Hi hun,he says how do you like your new phone?, she replies: I just love, its so small and your voice is clear as a bell but theres one thing I dont understand though.

Whats that, baby? asks the husband.

How did you know I was at Wal Mart?

Why dont blacks drive convertables?

The wind would make their lips beat them to death.

I hear your wifes a good wrestler, but personally I want too see her box.

While strolling around in a mental hospital, the doctor saw a patient fishing in a garbage can. The doctor decided to speak to the patient. He went and sat beside him and decided to humor the patient first.

So how many fish did you catch today? he asked.

You must be crazy, dont you know this is a garbage can?!

Guy walks into a bar, sits downs and starts to make conversation with guy at next table. Want to hear the worldss worst Polish Joke?

#2 says Sure, but before you tell it, let me tell you something. See those two bikers over there by the door-real mean motherfuckers-??? Theyre Polish. And those two bouncers by the bar? Theyre Polish too! The Bartender?? Polish!! And one more thing pal, Im Polish too!!! Now….. still want to tell that joke?

Hell no!, replies #1, I dont want to have to explain it 6 times!

So you think your life is bad…

Just think how bad the life of an egg is…

You only get laid once

You only get eaten once

It takes 4 minutes to get hard and

2 minutes to get soft

You have to share a box with 11 other guys

And the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?

A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Man: Doc, youve gotta help me. Im hearing voices but I dont see people. Doc: And when are you hearing these voices? Man: When Im on the telephone.