A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says, You have to take a Breathalyzer test. The guy says, I cant. I have asthma, and itll start me on a coughing fit.
The cop says, Then I have to give you a blood test. The guy says, You cant. Im a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, Ill bleed all over the place.
The cops says, Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line. The guy says, I cant. The cop says, Why not?
The guy says, Because Im drunk you idiot… didnt you see the way I was driving!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Not all banks are as solvent as we imagine them to be. I went into mine the other day and told the loan officer I was interested in a loan.
He smiled and replied, Thats great Mr. Moore! How much can you let us have?
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A man asked his wife what shed like for her birthday. Id love to be six again, she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright
and early and off they went to a local theme park.What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of
Fear everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonalds they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie – the latest sci-fi epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a
fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, Well, dear, what was it like being six again? One eye opened. You idiot, I meant my dress size.The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?
Her grandson said, Grandma, it says on TV-The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Posted in Pun Fun |
The National Enquirers special investigative team has determined that
its actually Elvis Preselys image on the Shroud of Turin.
Posted in Religious |
The problem with getting a life is making the payments.
Posted in One Liners |
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some
old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
Posted in One Liners |
Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else.
Posted in One Liners |
Ok, These two blondes went skydiving. The first jumped and opened her parachute. Then the second one jumped and hers wouldnt open, so she flew by the other blonde and then she said, Oh, so now you wanna race? So then she took her parachute off…
Posted in Blonde |