To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
28
Dec
28
Dec
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, Theres nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!
28
Dec
A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
27
Dec
Sign on restaurant window: Dont stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.
Sign in a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: Get a long little doggie!
Sign in a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want.
Sign on a music librarys door: Bach in a minuet.
27
Dec
Yo mama twice the man you are.
27
Dec
Un joven querÃa comprarle un regalo a su novia para su cumpleaños. TenÃa poco tiempo de conocer a su novia y luego de pensarlo muy bien, decidió que un par de guantes era muy buen regalo, pues serÃa un poco romántico sin ser muy personal.
La hermana de la novia lo acompañó al almacén a escogerlos. El joven compró unos guantes blancos y su cuñada aprovechó que estaba en el Centro comercial y decidió comprar unos calzones que le hacÃan falta. Cuando llegó la hora de envolver el regalo, la vendedora se equivocó y envolvió los calzones en vez de los guantes. Sin revisar el contenido del paquete, el joven envió el regalo a su novia con la siguiente nota:
Escogà estos porque he notado que no usas nada cuando salimos por la noche; si no hubiera sido por tu hermana, hubiera escogido los largos con botones, pero ella se probó estos cortos que son más fáciles de quitar. QuerÃa escoger una tonalidad mas delicada, pero la vendedora me mostró los que ella usa; no se los habÃa cambiado en tres semanas y no se le nota para nada la mugre. Le pedà a la vendedora que se probara estos que compré para tà y en verdad se veÃan muy bien.
Quisiera estar contigo para ponértelos por primera vez; no tengo duda de que otras manos los tocarán antes de que los vuelva a ver. Cuando te los quites, recuerda soplarlos antes de guardarlos pues es natural que cojan un poquito de humedad. Sólo pudeo pensar en cuántas veces los voy a besar durante los próximos meses; espero que los uses para mi el próximo viernes por la noche. Recibe todo mi amor.
P.D. La última moda es usarlos doblándolos un poquito hacia arriba para que se vea el peluche.
27
Dec
The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, Soups cold.
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, Ive waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why havent you spoken before?
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everythings been okay.
27
Dec
Q: Whats the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
27
Dec
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
27
Dec
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. Its a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: Pierre, kiss me! Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Maries lips.
What are you doing, Pierre?, says the startled Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, Pierre, kiss me lower.
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
Pierre! What are you doing?, asks the bewildered Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,
PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING?
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!