The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old, and the Chinese
civilization is 4000 years old. What is the significance of these
facts?
For 2000 years, the Jews had to do their own shirts.
12
Dec
12
Dec
I know what Victorias Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff.
12
Dec
All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
Those that dont will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing… ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES on any keyboard.
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing UPLOAD VIRUS. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.
People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact upon returning.
Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
No matter what kind of computer disk it is, itll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
The more high-tech the equipment, the more unlabeled buttons it has.
Laptops always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities (through their built-in satellite uplink) and the performance of a CRAY-T3E.
Computers NEVER crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans NEVER make mistakes while operating computers under stress.
Any photograph can have minute details digitally pulled out of it; you can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.
12
Dec
A psychiatrist in a mental hospital decided to test three patients to determine if they were well enough to be released.
He asked the first one: What is 3 times 3?
The patient answered: 111.
He asked the same question of the second patient and was told that the answer was Tuesday.
He told both that they werent healed and had to stay.
He asked the third one: What is 3 times 3?
The reply: 9.
Great!!! Youre cured! You can go home, but tell me how you knew the answer?
The patient replied: Simple. I divided 111 by Tuesday!
11
Dec
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
11
Dec
Log On: Makin the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Dont add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
11
Dec
Una pareja se conoce en una discoteca. Al cabo de un rato el hombre propone:
¿Qué te parece si jugamos al mago?
¿Y cómo es eso?
Yo te echo unos polvos y… ¡Desapareces!
11
Dec
Q:How do you make a Swiss roll?
A:you push them down the Alps.
11
Dec
Helen Waite is our credit manager.
If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.
11
Dec
A blonde at a party, was telling her friend that shed sworn off men for life.
They lie, they cheat, and theyre just no damn good, she moaned. From now on, when I want sex, Im going to use my tried and tested plastic companion, she said.
What happens when the batteries run out? asked her friend.
Thats simple, replied the blonde. Ill just fake an orgasm as usual.