A man staggers into the Doctors surgery and gasps: Doctor, help me! Everywhere I look I see talking mice, talking dogs, and even a talking duck! Whats wrong with me?
Doctor says reassuringly: Dont worry, youre just having Disney spells…
03
Sep
03
Sep
Seen on a parking space in a churchs parking lot in Edinburgh, IN
Clergy parking only – you park, you preach!
03
Sep
The teacher, brought a Venus statue in class and asks: What do you like best about it?
The artwork, says Robert.
Very good. And you, Peter?
Tits!
Peter, get out! And you, Johnny?
Im leaving, teacher, Im leaving.
03
Sep
Three coaches flew to the NCAA convention. The plane crashed, all three d ied. All three noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God wanted to know three things: Who are you? What did you do? and What did people think of you?
The first person said, Im Denny Crum. I was the 2nd best coach in the nation. I won 2 national championships and won over 20 games a year and the people of Kentucky think I am great.
God said, Denny, stand to my right.
The next person said, Im John Thompson. I was the 3rd best coach in the nation. I won conference championships and made our program respectable. The people of Washington DC think I am great.
God said, John, stand on my left side.
The third person stood before God and said, Im Bobby Knight. I have won three national championships, two NIT championships, the Pan Am games, the Olympics, nine Big Ten championships, the youngest coach ever to win 600 games and the people of Indiana think you are sitting in my chair.
03
Sep
When he tells you your wifes hair smells nice.
02
Sep
Its easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
Youve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sisters honor.
02
Sep
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turets Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
02
Sep
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
Only a shilling to bury an attorney?, said the Justice, Heres a guinea, go and bury 20 of them.
02
Sep
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughters birthday and he hadnt bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager How much is that new Barbie in the window?
The Manager replied, Which one? We have –
Barbie goes to the gymfor $19.95 …
Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95 …
Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 …
Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95…
Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95 …
and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.
Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95? Dad asked surprised.
Simple…Divorced Barbie comes with Kens car, Kens House, Kens boat, Kens dog, Kens cat and Kens furniture.
02
Sep
what is the difference between a paycheque and a penis?
you dont have to beg your wife to blow your paycheque!