There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.

So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.

While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd – If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?

He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed 487. The shepherd said WOW! Thats right…well…take any sheep you like…a deals a deal

So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says WAIT!

Now I have a deal for you…. if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?

There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: I need a cigarette.

But honey, his lover says. The store closes in two minutes. Youll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed.

Thats okay, He quips. Ill just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, Ill pretend Im a statue.

So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand.

The first nun walks over to the young man. Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser! She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he drops a pack of cigarettes in utter disbelief.

The second nun strolls over. What an interesting cigarette dispenser! I must try it, too. She sticks a quarter up the young mans ass, chokes his chicken, and he drops the other pack of cigarettes.

The third nun was the unimpressed sort. She strode up, stuck a quarter up the young mans ass, and yanked his monkey. Nothing happened. She pulled on his Element of Adam again. Nothing happened. She tried third time, and her eyes widened with sudden realization and surprise.

Oh, I get it! A lotion dispenser!

Snake 1 – I hope my bite isnt poisonous.Snake 2 – Why?Snake 1 – Because I just bit my tongue!

Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House?
A: There is White-out on the screen.

Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?

He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, Im watching you.

Q: How many Synagogue officials does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Change? How dare you! My Grandfather (may he rest in peace) donated that lightbulb!

Point at a photo of the interviewers family on desk and start
laughing uncontrollably.

Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say,
Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone
barricaded that.

Constantly fidget with your underwear waistband, then blurt:
The strawberry ones are the stickiest, dont ya think?

After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify it with,
Of course I was totally hammered at the time.

Inquire on the offices policy of friends staying over.

Claim you wouldnt even need a sit-in job if Al Einstein
hadnt stolen your secret patent for 2000 Flushes

Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

Ask if its O.K. that you sit on the floor.

Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you
didnt feel like making anything else up.

Ask the secretary if shell sit on your lap during interview.

Walk into interviewers office with a tape measure, measure
office from a few angles, put it away, then declare; NOW we can
begin.

Upon walking into the office for the first time ask reception
to hold all your calls.

-What makes Britain so strong? -It´s the two-party system. One big

party on every friday and another big party on every saturday

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The barender says, Why are you drinking so fast?

The guy says, youd be drinking fast if you had what I have.

the bartender says, what do you have?

The guy says, Seventy-Five cents.