Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?
28
Oct
28
Oct
Hello, is this the FBI?
Yes. What do you want?
Im calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.
Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?
Yeah!
Did they chop your firewood?
Yep.
Merry Christmas Buddy
28
Oct
Una pareja se encuentra a varios kilómetros de la ciudad. Están dentro de un coche y empiezan a tocarse. Cuando las cosas están al rojo vivo, la mujer le advierte:
Mira, guapo, resulta que soy prostituta y el polvo te va a costar 10 mil pesetas.
El tÃo, que ya no puede aguantar el calentón, acepta. Después del polvo ella le pide:
¿Por qué no me llevas a la ciudad a tomar algo?
Mira, bonita, resulta que soy taxista y la carrera hasta la ciudad te costará 20 mil pesetas.
28
Oct
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
Exactly where were you at the time of the accident? inquired the officer.
Mister, exclaimed the telephone lineman, I was at the top of the pole!
28
Oct
What do Gary Condit and a magician have in common?They both make their assistants disappear!
28
Oct
Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks hes a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
28
Oct
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT...
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbars old-fashioned extra-chewy
non-baked fudge-like brownie squares
* Hand-dipped non-diry chee-zee nachos
*Ultra-jumbo super-crunchy choco-chip cookies
individually wrapped in plastic for your dining safety
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Relax and enjoy your meal in comfort at one ~
~ of our contoured plastic eating stations ~
~ while watching planes refuel and little ~
~ trucks drive around!!! ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___________________ ____________________
| SOUP O DU JOUR | Served to you by dazed-looking |3 DISTINCT FLAVORS|
| | employees who earn less per | OF SALAD DRESSING|
| Clammy chowder | hour than you will spend on | * Tasty white |
| packed with | your airport snack! | * Zesty orange |
|vitamin-fortified| | * Unique yellow |
| cornstarch | |!Its your choice!|
------------------- --------------------
WHEN YOURE STUCK AT THE AIRPORT, YOURE STUCK WITH US
28
Oct
Heard about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse!
28
Oct
Sally was a girl with no horsebackriding experience, yet one day she discided to take her chances. As she climbed on the big Palimino, it took off at a gallop. Sally was sliding off. She tried to grab the mane but she couldnt seem to get a grip. So in a great rush she threw herself from the thundering horse, but her foot got caught in the stirup. She was at the mercy of the pounding hooves, near unconsciousness, when……
The Wall Mart manager came out to turn the ride off.
27
Oct
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.